Good bye my beloved aunt Jamilah

When I pass through hard times,
I tend to remember, pray, and cry…silently.

When I lose a dear person,

My lips refuse to move
my tears refuse to fall

And my mind refuse to think

Only my heart beats loudly

And its beats form a noisy rhythm,

reminding me of the fact that, everything we do or see

is following a rhythm…

my heart is beating…

life… death…life… death… life

and today I will allow myself to express and cry and yell and scream and mourn…

only here.

Because here is my heart

And here is where I am able to talk

to cry out all the tears...

Good bye my Aunt…Good bye Jammoul..

May Allah grant you His mercy  and may all your good deeds surround you

We live among the people we love, believing that they are here forever

That they will be there for us, no matter when, or how

We eliminate the fact that someday we’ll turn around and find an empty house

Empty except from their smell and the echo of their voices.

I hug my cousins, my sisters, and my mother. I look around, I see the table runner done by her hands...

the desserts in the fridge, her cup of coffee...

At night, I go home, I wear the winter cape she knitted to warm me up when i'm cold,

I eat the special “makdous” she prepared to delight me…

She left suddenly, as Allah chose… no objections to His Will.

Thank you Allah for everything

She left us within minutes… Sleeping peacefully… 

So that I would always have that image in my head: wide smile, well combed hair, pearl necklace, and fashionable sunglasses, …

She may have reached 74, but she definitely had the heart of a gorgeous girl  cherishing life, and appraising beauty…

seeking happy moments, laughing and smiling at life’s offerings, whether good or bad. Her faith never failed her…

here's a photo I love, during one of the family gatherings my sister usually organize...

Jammoul sitting and smiling at us and at life...

I will not cry, I will smile at your memory my beloved aunt, for I never saw you crying…

And for all the times we shared, for all the positive vibes you used to spread…

For your will, your warm lap,

Your tight hugs and your love to every baby you held,

I will not cry…

for all the tenderness and the kisses you offered us and our children...

for all the support you granted us through all these years, 

I will remember

and smile

and pray

hoping that, at that definite time we will gather all again…in His paradise in'shaa'Allah.